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Watch Vin Diesel Jungle-Ski And Ocean-Bike In This Gloriously Dumb "xXx" Trailer

The trailer for xXx: The Return of Xander Cage is so over the top that the old top is now the bottom.

Watch Vin Diesel Jungle-Ski And Ocean-Bike In This Gloriously Dumb "xXx" Trailer

WHAT: The first trailer for the latest film in the long-dormant xXx series, which is absolutely not about what films bearing those three letters are traditionally about.

WHO: Elocution-challenged beefcastle Vin Diesel, and director DJ Caruso.

WHY WE CARE: It may be subtitled "The Return of Xander Cage"—a reminder that the hero of this series has a name that a 7-year-old boy in the '80s would beg his friends to call him—but the real story is the return of Vin Diesel. After filming the original hit in 2002, Diesel bowed out and let Ice Cube fill his Mountain Dew-drenched stunt shoes for the 2005 sequel, xXx: Xtremely Diminishing Returns. But much like the Fast and Furious franchise, which he also briefly disappeared from, Diesel is back, and with 50% more self-awareness. (One character refers to Xander Cage as the poster child for Red Bull.) "Kick some ass, get the girl, and try to look dope while you're doing it," Samuel L. Jackson says in the trailer, neatly summarizing the plot of the film. That this statement occurs between a game of Russian-Roulette-with-grenades and Vin Diesel jumping out of a plane, propelled by a giant fireball, will tell you everything about whether you should see it.

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