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Breast Weights: A Bro-tastic New Standard In Agency IP

A Kiev-based agency has developed iron weights shaped like breasts. It’s a real product for real men whose workout routines are really creepy.

Breast Weights: A Bro-tastic New Standard In Agency IP

Relax, men, our muscular voices have been heard. It’s been a long time coming, but someone is finally taking us seriously as a marketing demographic, and attending to our needs—specifically the need to be surrounded by a righteous rack at all times, even at the gym.

Remember how much you loved the Shake Weight before someone told you it was a better look for ladies? Well, prepare to fall in love all over again, with another piece of weirdly sexualized exercise equipment. Only this time, it’s anatomically correct to the obsessions of real men. That’s right—I’m talking kettlebells shaped like boobs, dude. The fantasy is no longer just inside your head!

These babies were created by Kiev-based agency 306 Creative Communication, which understands regular dirtbags like you and me, and the rampant desire to inflict our quirky sense of humor on anyone in eyeline. The agency has confirmed this is a real product, an "entrepreneurial" project of the kind Co.Create has covered frequently—a product developed by an ad agency under its own steam. In this case, it's "Sports equipment for real men, who think about women all the time even when the iron is held in the hands." The agency logo is even helpfully printed on the bottom of the weights so that whenever you give any ladies out there "tickets to the gun show," they can see who’s running that show [insert Tim Taylor grunt].

Personally, whenever I’ve tried to get my Crossfit on without any sets of breasts in view, I’ve had to use my dumb imagination to supply them. But imagination is for wimps—and for the women who have gotten pretty creative in playfully rebutting my constant overtures, or as I call it, "flirting with me." So long, imagination!

It feels good to be understood by an agency and its self-driven products better than most human beings. Or at least 51% of the population. Wait until the fellas at the office get a load of these.