I love the cold up here. Since my skinny jeans don’t reach my feet I have a sweet frostbite tan going on. Dead skin is totally in right now.


I only drink this during parties, man You have any idea how good this beer is? Of course you don’t. Go watch Blue Velvet and tell me this isn’t the best beer ever.


So what if I don’t wear actual vintage shoes? What of it? Real vintage falls apart and I want to be comfortable while I disappoint my parents.


I drive a Subaru. What of it? It holds my vintage coffee mug collection.


Do you own an MP3? We can’t be friends. Don’t you know real music is on vinyl? Your taste sickens me.


I’m really offended by the Redskins name, but I’m more angry about the name FedEx field. Why did you sell out D.C. like that? How could you?


I wish I could go to the 18th century so I could get some drapes for my co-op.


I spend so much time in my local coffee shop they asked me to pay rent.


I came to Baltimore for some real grit, also because my girlfriend dumped me and I was homeless. She kept asking for me back but I said no way, time to set out on my own and find B-More’s sweet underground hip hop scene. I don’t like hip hop, but that doesn’t matter.


I lived in San Francisco for a while, but I got tired of paying $3,700 a month for two square feet in the Mission. Oakland is way more laid back. You just gotta get past the death and all.


I took the brakes off my bike. I don’t need them. Brakes are for squares.


When I hang out in other people’s gardens eating their flowers nothing sets me straight like a great IPA. Hops just set my love for life on fire, man, especially if it comes with a subtle citrus finish.


I love Detroit. You can find huge abandoned places to live everywhere. The dead bodies are great fertilizer for your wheat grass.


Instagram literally runs my life. I can send Becki every single breakfast I eat for eternity. Why would anyone ever deny themselves such pleasure? Hold on, I need to check my Tumblr.


Yeah, I know you like that other New York team--The Big Blue whatevers--but we’re totally the cool ones, ya know. We were kissing reporters before it was cool.


I’m not actually gluten intolerant, I just like to tell people I am.


I cannot believe plaid went out of style, it’s like a bunch of morons run the planet or something. It’s like they hired some beautiful man to create a new fabric, then fired him after just one year. What’s wrong with this story, man?


Of course it’s Helvetica, what do I look like, some plebe? Alright fine, it’s Arial. I’m a poser. Let me go commit suicide by placing my head inside a subwoofer during a bass drop.


This ink on my neck represents my love of the obscure indie band Whiskey Anus. They broke up after one song but they will live forever.


You know Atlanta burned for a long time before it was cool.


Yeah, I used to go to the Super Bowl a lot, back when it was interesting. It sold out, man, I’m not going back.


I’ve gone to the playoffs these past few years, but if you ask me, man, it’s gotten too big for itself. Too much glitz, all the celebrities got involved and pushed out all the smaller acts. Screw that.


Land is too mainstream.


What do you mean you have an Android phone? We can’t be friends.


I used to live in Baltimore, back before it went all The Wire. I heard the meth was better in Indy so I hitched a ride one night. You should have seen how mad my friends were.


Boston? Feh. I’m from Foxboro. You’ve probably never been there. It’s way out of the way in the middle of the woods. Only the right people get invited.


No, I don’t need these 3-D glasses. Who cares if it hurts my eyes, have you ever smoked weed with these things on?


Nobody roots for us, and that’s just the way I like it. No crowds, only raw football. Plus, I totally know Chad Henne. He can hook us up, know what I’m saying?


Why would I throw batteries at people? I’d rather hit them with free range goat’s milk.


Of course my hair looks like a mess because of the wind. You’d never be able to tell I actually spend two hours in front of a mirror every day setting it that way on purpose.


No one lives here but old people and illegal aliens. I can get vintage clothing and cheap knockoffs all in the same city block!


I only watch organic football. Yeah, it’s more expensive, but it’s so much better for you. I can’t put that junk football in my body. Do you even know what you’re doing to yourself with that? Gross.


Your Favorite NFL Logos, As Hipsters

A graphic artist offers his spin on NFL logos inspired by certain inhabitants of Brooklyn, Portland, and Austin coffee shops. They're cooler than you are.

Imagine if the NFL was given a makeover honoring the subset of society least disposed to having an interest in the NFL. It would probably look like the artisanal, locally sourced switcheroo one graphic artist has concocted to punk the punt-loving masses.

David Rappoccio of the esoterically named NFL humor site Kissing Suzy Kolber has hand-crafted a vintage line of hipster-themed logos for all NFL franchises. Adorned with affectations, the newly renovated logos are designed to emulate the ennui practiced by Portlandia's fictional residents.

All manner of hats, from fedoras to beanies, are accounted for, as are other hipster-affiliated accoutrements—like spacer piercings, pipes, and scarves. There's also room in some iterations for non-wearable signifiers, like vinyl, Apple products, and even the niche-championed font Helvetica. Some efforts are more clever than others. The San Francisco design, for instance, is a bit undercooked, simply bearing the word 'Organic' in place of a team name. But overall, the logos seem very much up to hipster code—though I'm sure the logos would deny that if you asked them.

Have a look through more of them in the slides above.

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