Language is an ever-evolving thing. Just think: Before the summer of 2013, nobody had ever used the terms cronut, sharknado, or Carlos Danger before, and now they are woven into the fabric of our daily usage forever. But while the vernacular may change for every type of word, perhaps no other category of word is as inherently hilarious as that which pertains to our genitalia.
Recently, the slang lexicographer Jonathon Green bestowed a great gift unto language lovers the world over by creating interactive timelines of the various and sundry words used to describe both dongs and hoo-has. Adapted from the 2010 Green’s Dictionary of Slang, it’s an almost impossibly extensive assortment of words. This is one vagina monologue you have got to see for yourself.
Sex Pistols fans will be psyched to know that the penis timeline goes all the way back to ballocks, which was first recorded September 26, 1366. This list’s vaginal counterpart stretches farther back to February 4, 1230, and what is still known to this day as the c-word. (Will the other c-word—cronut—have the same staying power?)
In addition to listing fun terms like duck pond, beef bugle, and Mrs. Fubbs’ Parlour, the timeline helpfully distinguishes each by type. Terms for male genitals are classified as either penis, large penis, small penis, erect penis, impotency, circumcision, the foreskin, testicles, and the entire male genitalia. The women’s terms are limited to vagina, labia, clitoris, and pubic hair. It looks like sexting may have just gotten a lot more interesting.
Have a look through some of the best sections in the slides above, and let us know in the comments if any of your favorites were somehow left off.