Like the boss who wants to hang out with you on a Saturday, corporate Facebook brand pages can get a little weird. What’s with all the personal questions? And please stop asking me if I like you.
Which is why it’s hard to believe that it took till now for someone to create Condescending Corporate Brand Page, a pitch-perfect mockery of every desperate advertiser’s milquetoast attempt to be your social media pal.
"We’re a big corporate brand using Facebook," reads the page’s description. "So look out for us asking you to like and share our stuff in a faintly embarrassing and awkward way."
A typical post from Condescending Corporate Brand Page consists of a semi-inspirational quote in an overwrought font, a reminder of a contrived holiday like "National Banana Day," or a stock photo of silly animals or multicultural children. (Sample text: "LIKE this picture if you used to be a child too!")
On Thursday morning, the page greeted its fans with a picture of a black man’s hand shaking a white man’s hand. "If you don’t click on this post," read the text, "we’ll assume you’re a racist."
So far the page—which joined Facebook in July, according to its timeline—has amassed only 4,800 likes, though more than 1,000 of those came between Wednesday afternoon and Thursday morning after a number of advertising blogs started spreading the word. Just who is running the page is unclear, though the language strongly suggests someone British: The URL for the site is facebook.com/corporatebollocks and "favorite" is repeatedly spelled with a telltale "U."
The joke has now extended to Twitter as well. On Thursday, the site launched Twitter.com/Corporate_Brand, which, according to its description, intends to tailor the mockery to the platform.
"This is the Twitter account that simply tweets from a linked Facebook page with an annoying 'on.fb.me’ link at the end chopping off what’s said," according to its own description. "Point missed."
And of course, this being social media, fans of the page get to contribute.
"Wow. I just felt like I absolutely had to engage with you guys and let you know how great your brand page is!" wrote one fan. "Knowing how engaged I am right now, I was also wondering if there was a way I could spend more at yourcondescendingstores?"